chatwithketch

Q: Thanks Dr Ketch for all your advice. Please, at what age should my hubby stop bathing my daughter? She is 6yrs old now. During the week, we leave home early and so we help each other because we don’t want to have a house help and most times he helps with bathing the children.

A: Hmmm! Very valid question! You guys are getting into interesting territories! Important territories, too 😀

This issue actually goes both ways and indeed, the question should also be asked about when mothers should stop bathing their sons.
Children need their privacy and sooner than later may feel the need to voice out their need for this. I’m sure the husband in this case does not fall into this category but stories of parents sexually abusing their children also exist. We need to also be mindful of this…sad but true.

By the time a child is about 2 to 3 years old, he/she should be encouraged to wash their genitals by themselves. So, the parent bathes the child, but allows the child to wash the genitals while instructing/watching/supervising. Remember that these areas generally need just the gentlest of washes and so a child’s soft touch is plenty. This re-enforces the message that these areas are private and that not even mummy or daddy should cross these boundaries. Indeed, if a child has an injury on the genitals and an ointment or cream needs to be put on it, the cream should be put on the child’s hand and he/she should apply it by him/herself.

By the time a child is 4 to 5 years, he’s generally able to bath himself and should be given the privacy to do so…by both parents.
You know how you used to feel free to undress in front of your children because you felt….well, you just felt it was okay? Well, stop feeling so! By the age of, about, 3 to 4, fathers should stop undressing in front of daughters and vice versa. Around the age of 7 to 8 years, it may also not be cool for mothers to undress in front of daughters and vice versa. Now these are guides and depending on how fast your children catch on to these issues, you may have to fast forward these timings.

Generally though, as soon as a child stops feeling comfortable having you around when they are undressing or in the bathroom, please respect that boundary. My son kicked me out of his room and fired me from bathroom duties just before he turned 5 years. I was absolutely amused but I gave him his space. And I absolutely knock on his door before I enter.

So, kindly give your husband his sack letter tonight and let your daughter understand that she’s just moved up one more rung in the responsibility ladder 😀

What’s your take on this?

Have a good evening, people 😀

Q: Good morning, Doctor and God bless you much for always being there. I’m the lady that told you about my baby’s Mumps. She’s very fine now. Thank you so muchDoc I was wondering,..what should I teach her to call her Vagina? I don’t know if it’s proper and polite to use the real words as Vagina or Penis especially in public places. She’s my first child and I’m pregnant with my second child now.Please help me out. Thanks a lot.

A: Hey you. Thanks for writing in. I’m glad your daughter is better.Interesting question and I’m sure lots of parents will have lots of different views about what makes sense and what doesn’t.

Before I weigh in, I’ll tell you a story that I heard when in medical school. One of our professors was trying to explain why it was very important to ensure that in teaching couples about contraception, there should be no ambiguity. Say exactly what you mean and show it clearly with models or call precise names. So, the story was told of a medical doctor who was trying to explain to a couple how to use condoms. He didn’t have a model to use and show, had no pictures and probably figured that it didn’t make sense to ask the man to strip So, he told them to assume that his (the doctor’s) thumb was the patient’s penis. And he then proceeded to show the couple how to insert the condom over the thumb. It appeared communication had taken place. Everyone was happy, hands were shaken and everyone departed.A few months later, a visibly upset and confused couple returned to the clinic to see the same doctor. In summary, despite following the doctor’s advice and doing exactly what he’d told them, his wife still got pregnant. The worried looking doctor mentally tried to review what he’d told them while scanning through the pages of the couple’s folder. He asks the man how exactly he used the condom. The man thrusts out his thumb and tells the doctor that he put the condom on his thumb in exactly the same way the doctor did it during their hospital visit! The rest as they say is history!What am I saying? It is important to be very clear about what each body part is called and what can happen when inappropriate contact happens there. In these days where uncles, aunties and even parents have turned child molesters and pedophiles, it is important that children can adequately communicate what, if any inappropriate contact has taken place. It also helps the children to be comfortable in their skin and not feel that there is anything wrong with those parts of their bodies. They are private parts and should not be indiscriminately touched by anyone, even parents especially after a certain age, but they are also normal parts of the body.Teaching the right name helps make the children comfortable with their bodies. Be matter of fact and remember that this is just a prelude to the even more cringe-inducing conversation that you are going to have in a few years about sex education So start your practice with this and try not to look embarrassed.I know that the greatest fear is the embarrassment that one would feel if one’s child got up in public to scream ‘mum, my vagina hurts!’. I know. I would literally want to die too And why is that? It’s because we’ve literally made these words sound like bad words. They are not. They are names of body parts like nose, ankle etc. And if we all felt comfortable about it, there would probably be no shame.When I give health talks in some places and the conversation veers towards reproductive organs, grown men and women start giggling. I find it really fascinating! Really? What’s so cute about the names? Nothing! They are just not used to hearing it and this is most likely a hang-up from early childhood.Finally, if you don’t teach your child the right name, she will probably learn it from the internet as soon as she’s able to use a computer. And from then, all the other information you pass on may also become suspect That’s my take. What’s yours?Have a good night, y’all

Q: Hey Dr Ketch. I hope this meets you in good spirits. Is it safe to eat bitter kola during your first trimester? Someone told me it can cause a miscarriage. I’m 7 weeks gone by the way and the morning sickness is not kind on me at all. So far bitter kola relieves the nausea. Please enlighten me

A: Thanks for your question and congratulations on your pregnancy

Bitter kola typically contains caffeine and it is generally recommended to avoid caffeine in pregnancy. Although the amount in the serving portion of a piece of bitter kola may not cause a problem, please be sure to fully discuss your diet plan with your doctor.

To deal with the morning sickness of pregnancy, here are some tips:

The standard teaching is to try eating some bland foods like Crackers biscuits or dry toast. That personally didn’t work for me. I preferred tart things…which some may want to avoid. I loved lemons during my pregnancies. They were the one thing guaranteed to ‘wake up’ my mouth and chase nausea far away. I also had a particular brand of very tart bubble gum, I indulged in 😀 These were key for me because, though I didn’t have the real bad case of morning sickness that sent you to the hospital, brushing my teeth in the morning always sent me into a bout of retching/vomiting. So, I always had a ready supply of the gum or lemon/lime to pop into my mouth once I was done brushing/retching! Not a very pleasant memory ;D

So, if lemons work for you to prevent nausea, go for it. Remember that moderation is key. A few drops (one or two) in a glass of water are enough to provide that tart kick that sends nausea far away. There is a catch here though…remember the heart burn associated with pregnancy. The acid content of lemon might make the heart burn and any pre-existing gastro-esophageal (stomach and esophagus/gullet) problems worse. So, this is all the more reason to be very moderate or stop if it exacerbates an already bad case of heart burn. Wherever and whenever in doubt, please be sure to see your doctor.

Other tips:

• Eat little amounts of food frequently as an empty tummy increases the likelihood of throwing up. Remember this is not an excuse to binge and over eat

• Avoid fatty and greasy foods.• Avoid smells that trigger nausea

• Cold foods may be preferable to hot as the former does not give off smells that may cause you to feel queasy.

• Get loads of fresh air and rest

• And drink sufficient fluids daily

More importantly, women going through this need love and support more than ever. If you can’t stand cooking now, because of this, get help etc.

Some nutrition tips for a pregnant woman:

1. Eat a balanced diet with a variety of foods from different food groups.
2. Be sure to include a lot of high fibre foods like vegetables, whole grain cereals etc to deal with the constipation associated with pregnancy.
3. Ensure you take your antenatal medications (prenatal vitamins) in addition to eating well.
4. Drink at least 4 servings of milk, other dairy products or calcium rich foods. If you don’t eat enough, your baby will start drawing on your own stock from your bones. So, drink up your milk!
5. Be sure to also take foods rich in iron eg and foods rich in folic acid eg green leafy veggies and beans. World Health Organization recommends that pregnant women receive folic acid and iron tablets daily. Folic acid prevents neural tube defects which may occur during the first 28days of pregnancy. This is usually the period when quite a number of women do not even know they are pregnant. Thus, women who plan on getting pregnant should start on folic acid supplements at least 3 months before their planned date to safeguard against neural tube defects. If you haven’t started this earlier and realize you’re pregnant, start taking them as soon as possible.

Pregnancy provides an opportunity for a mother to adequately prepare her baby for life in 9 months. Make sure that you get all the nutrients that give your child a great health boost.

Have a great evening y’all 😀