What school prepares you for motherhood? The questions you will be asked by innocent enquiring minds? The advice you have to give? The times you have to stand by the sidelines and watch them sort out situations for themselves knowing that interfering makes it worse for them? Nothing. Just praying and experiencing the events every day one step at a time. The song, One day at a time readily comes to mind at this time.
How do you help your child fit into a new school after she just joined? How do you make the children include her in their games? You just hope that you have taught her enough self confidence to eventually deal with these issues and move on. We teach our children not to fight and to walk away when it appears someone is on their case. But sometimes, it makes sense for them not to walk away. I’ll give you an example. I travelled with my children. At the airport there was a game for children to play. Now another child came and wanted to play. He could have asked politely, bit no, he just had to hit my son. My attention was called to the drama when I heard my son speak angrily what’s wrong with you. I asked to find out what was happening. He told me what had happened while the other boy just glared at him belligerently. Of course, I , the earth mother told the two young men there was no need to quarrel but that they would all take turns to play. Thus, he would play once my son finished his turn. No change in his demeanor and so I turned back to my book.
Next thing I know, he was trying to push my son off the chair and my son gave a push, right back. The young man fell to the floor. I rushed to them and said all the right things. No you shouldn’t have pushed either of you etc. But guess what, I was inwardly pleased my son gave back exactly what he got. Life is full of bullies in the work place, school, neighborhood etc. I can’t fight all your battles. There comes that time in your life when you have to stand up for what you believe in and speak up for it. It should not involve the use of fisticuffs but it should clearly show what your values are and advertise the fact that you will not compromise on those core values.
This is the same fear that parents have when their children are about to hit significant milestones. Very first day at school, graduation (yes, graduation from nursery school or kindergarten), fisrt day in primary school, graduation from primary, entering the secondary school (especially if it’s boarding), going into the university (at which time the children who are not children anymore are told they are entering the big bad world). We worry whether they can fight life’s battles for themselves, whether we’ve taught them enough to go forth into the world and do the right things. We pray and hope that they don’t make mistakes and that they do not mix up with the wrong crowds.
But guess what, we’ve got to let them go. In those early formative years, we need to be sure that we have spent time teaching them the right values, spend quality time with them and listen to and answer their questions. We also need to visit and touch base with them when they are in boarding school or university. This way, we can easily pick up on warning signals when they appear. Most importantly, we need to commit them to God everyday knowing that, more than I the mother, he loves them more and will look after them. Consciously, I make the effort to let go and let God.