Friday, 25th November marked the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. As Ban Ki-Moon, the UN secretary General, so aptly put it, “Violence against women and girls is a human rights violation, public health pandemic and serious obstacle to sustainable development. It imposes large-scale costs on families, communities and economies. The world cannot afford to pay this price.”
What qualifies as violence against women? Is it physical beating? Even if this happens, if he says he’s sorry, is it still violence? If he consistently abuses you, and occasionally hits out at you, does that qualify? If the occasional hitting does not occur, but there is the constant nagging at you about all the things you do wrong…does it count? Especially, when he comes home to you every night…I mean, he has all those other women who frolic around him and could very easily ‘steal’ him from you? What really counts?
Well, United Nations defines violence against women as “any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or mental harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life.”
So, that settles it…even the threat of this (and it doesn’t matter whether it happened in public or private life) is violence. So, ladies, be guided. No abusive relationship is worth anything…your children, your position in the society, ‘what they will say’ etc. You are better off alive! Only the living can praise God, raise children and even figure out if people are gossiping J
Below is a related post on this:
Q: Hello doctor. I went to greet one of my male friend yesterday and during the visit one thing led to another and he forced sex on me. When i got home and I used a mirror to take a closer look at my pp, i discovered a tear down there. I have never had sex before. I am afraid i don’t know what to do. The blood has reduced but the pain is still much especially if I want to urinate.
A: Hello dear, my heart goes out to you for what happened. There are two things you must do…report this ‘friend’ to the police and get yourself checked out in a hospital. Usually when people are raped, they experience a deep sense of shame making it difficult for them to seek help and indeed prosecution for the person accused. This should not be. Please seek help…for you to ensure that you do not end up with any STI, for emergency contraception, to get checked out by a doctor especially if you suspect you have a tear etc and to ensure that your predator is not emboldened to do this to another person, ever again! Going to law enforcement as soon as possible would help as the clothes may contain some forensic evidence. And yes, this rape can be man against woman or rarely, woman against man.
The bleeding that occurs after first intercourse is usually due to the breaking of the thin piece of skin that covers the vagina, called the hymen. Some women may, however, experience no bleeding and no pain. In those who experience this bleeding, it usually does not continue beyond the third day. The hymen can also break before first intercourse in females that ride horses and females that use tampons.
To help prevent this, practice personal safety and trust your instincts. If the situation looks or feels fishy, it probably is. Try to ensure you go with company if you must visit any friend of the opposite sex or better still, meet in a public place etc.
Project alert (http://www.projectalertnig.org/) and the Lagos Domestic Violence centers (http://domesticviolence.com.ng/help-for-domestic-violence/) will also be able to provide some more practical support in terms of counselling and probably legal help, if required.
Stay safe, okay?!
Loads of love and hugs coming your way…
Have a great night, people