Dear all, again I wish to thank you all for your messages to Mrs M. I pray she is getting better by the day with your messages which I pass. Truth is, some days are good for her and others are not so good.
Grief is that natural response to the loss of something or someone very dear to us. There are different stages in the process of grieving and you would observe Mrs M. going through some of them.
Denial: This is an outright refusal to believe the sad event has occurred and and could be the first reaction. At this time, the person may just move through the motions, almost in a robot-like manner…almost not feeling anything. Numb! I pause to think of how many African women have been given ‘more’ grief and accused of killing their husbands because they were at this stage, numb and unable to cry…..
Anger: This comes from a feeling of helplessness. Anger with God for not helping resolve the situation positively; anger with oneself for taking the ‘wrong’ decision(s) or even anger with the person that ‘left’ for abandoning them.
Bargaining:At this time, the person tries to go back in time to negotiate with God. ‘I will stop smoking if only you will make him or her live.’ ‘I will devote my life to serving you if only I wake up and find this was all a horrible dream’ etc
Depression: At this time, the person has begun to comprehend the full impact of the event that has occurred. Waves and waves of darkness, emptiness wash over this person.
For more on depression, please click on https://chatwithdrketch.com/2013/12/17/daily-health-tips-the-dark-hole-of-depression/
Acceptance:This is the point where one makes peace with this new normal. This does not mean the pain goes away or they never think of that person anymore. No. However, one begins to re-adjust and re-organize ones life to live this ‘new’ life. It may be just like for Mrs M, just having more good days than bad and making the effort to begin to live again.
All these stages are normal and natural parts of the grieving process. It is important that one experiences the ability to grieve the way they want and within their own timelines. Ultimately, they are able to move on knowing the departed one lives on in their hearts.
Talking openly about the pain (as opposed to bottling it up) or even writing about it help. That’s why I have encouraged Mrs M. to write as much as she can about what she feels.
Here’s part 3 of Mrs M’s story:
I still have his thought. I still hear his voice. I still miss him like crazy. I have his pictures secretly pinned up in my closet. Don’t want to forget his beautiful face. My angel. My gift from God.
We have been at it like rug rats. I so desperately want to make another him. To bring him back. I am still holding on to any sort of hope I can find.
I think of him in the grave. How the earth would be treating his body now. You should have seen him. Everyone could not stop admiring him. He was just too beautiful. With hair like a girl. So thick and full. I would weave it every evening. Now, I guess the worms have his body but his spirit rests with my Lord God Almighty.
My daughter comes over to me and says ‘shhhhh, baby is sleeping.’ I don’t know what to answer to that.
Yes, he sleeps but a never-ending one. Never to wake up to me again. Or to the noise of my voice. Never trying to get me to wake up when he wakes up before me. He won’t play with my phone again. I would always drag the phone away from him so he does not fill it up with his saliva. Oh, how I long for him to pour bucket full of it now. How I long for him to rest his hairy head on me. Someone tell me how to switch this pain off. It’s eating deep into me. I smile, I laugh, I try to keep busy. But when all is calm again I return to that place of great pain. It is well with my soul.
I still have questions for Him. But I don’t hate Him anymore. He must have a good reason for this. A damn good reason. I have started praying again. Believing again.
This has brought my husband and I closer. Closer than before. Hmmm.
Bottom line, it’s still like a dream. I wait to wake up from it.