Q: Hello Dr. I have been married for four months. But each time I complain of being sick, my hubby as well as my family members always thought I was pregnant. And each time the result comes out negative, I always sensed a change in their tone. Now my question is, is it normal for them to feel that way about me? Or is it that I ought to have been pregnant by now? I’m not anxious about being pregnant but their anxiety is making me feel somehow. Please, I need your advice.

A: My darling, please do not feel ‘somehow’. It is absolutely outrageous how the African society puts pressure on newly-weds to start having children once they are married. Four months!!! Really? This is the time for you and your hubby to bond and understand yourselves. Nobody should be putting undue pressure on you. I actually expect hubby to ensure that you are not subjected to unwarranted stress over this matter.

Is it normal for them to feel that way? It’s certainly common in Africa…that does not make it okay neither should it be considered normal. While on this subject, please remember when you become a mum and your son or daughter gets married not to also put this pressure on them. I keep asking myself how come this cycle of mothers/relatives who pressure on couples to have babies never seem to completely phase out. We need to consciously make an effort to stop this!

Medicine does not even recognize that there is a problem with conception until after one full year of trying to get pregnant! And people are already counting at four months! When people are not on your case for not having a baby, then they are on your case for not having the right sex of babies…When does this all stop?
So, what to do? Hold your peace and be at rest! Eat well, take care of yourself and try not to let it all get to you. See if you can explain to hubby how this ‘unwanted’ attention puts you under pressure. Hopefully, he gets it and protects you. Gentlemen on this forum, please remember that part of your job description is to protect the one whom you swore to love…your wife 😀

I hope that very soon, we won’t have to hear of these sort of situations in our clime. For this to happen, we all need to join hands in ensuring that we do not contribute to the stress these newly-weds and other people who do not have children (for whatever reason whether by choice or circumstance) have to go through.

For related posts, please click on these:

Daily Health Tips: I Don’t Want To Lose My Home Because I Only Have Daughters.

Daily Health Tips: Am I Ovulating?

Have a goodnight, y’all 😀