Q: Good morning doctor. Well done for your wonderful works and advice. I pray that God almighty will always be with you and attend to all your problems. Amen. Please what advice do you have for someone who has grown to become a very timid adult due to how she was brought up and also with low self esteem even when she’s very clever and brilliant? Always feeling depressed, finding it hard to mix freely with people and make new friends and always prefers to be alone. Thank you.

A: Self esteem refers to how a person sees or values their worth. People with low self esteem usually have negative image of themselves and their worth and always focus on all the things they have done wrong without sparing a thought for the things that just may have gone right.

Our self esteem would usually come from two sources: how others see/treat us and how we see/treat ourselves. If we have an authority figure (someone or people who we admire and who we would like to please) constantly tell us that we’re no good, it’s easy to start believing that especially if this starts early in life. Good examples are overly-critical parents/guardians. Some other times, we set impossible-to-achieve standards for ourselves and so end up with low self esteem because we feel we can never meet up to our exacting standards for ourselves.

In any of these instances, the person ends up with the kind of symptoms described above…being timid, unable to make friends, being a loner etc
You can’t do anything about the events in your life that have already happened. But you can change how far they affect you from now on. The people in your past should not have any ability to hurt you again…they only have as much hold on you as you allow them to. What they think does not necessarily matter. Chart your own course, do your own things…dare to start all over again!
I like to say that you should start by looking at your cup as half full rather than half empty. Make a conscious thought to focus on more positive thoughts rather than negatives. Find out the bits that you do well and praise yourself for the accomplishments. The areas where you’re not doing so well are learning points for the future and not issues to fuss over and feel unnecessarily bad about.

Then, have a voice. Listen to issues and problems and dare to have an opinion. It doesn’t have to be what every other person thinks. Nope. Dare to even differ from everybody (if you really think so) and proffer that opinion. Dig deep and find out talents you have that you’ve never thought about exploring. Do something about them and have fun while doing it all.

Trust me…I know that everything I’ve suggested is the exact opposite of what you would like to do, but if ever there was time to leave your comfort zone, this is it! Life is too short. I hear too many people complaining about all the things they would have achieved if only their husbands/wives/uncles/aunties/parents/friends/guardians etc were more supportive, had given them the money they required, had allowed them do what they had suggested etc.

You’ve really got a lot of power in your hands. Re-invent your image of yourself and go out and stop blaming people for the things that have not gone right in your life. Love yourself and the skin you’re in and go out and achieve all those dreams…one little step at a time!

Big hugs…

Have a great week ahead, y’all 😀