My first daughter turned 11 earlier this year. Remember the one that I wanted to breastfeed forever and take to work with me? The very same one! She is 11! Where did all that time fly to? Not too long ago, I was changing her diapers and weaning her and teaching her to eat by herself etc. and now she’s all grown up…and actually has the temerity to call me her daughter sometimes! Yeah, she’s taller than I am…but, the cheek of her! 😀

With her adolescence, though, come some very difficult issues to tackle. Sex education et al. I mean, why do I want to discuss that stuff with my little daughter? When she was younger, it was easier to ‘avoid’ these conversations as I could just buy nicely worded and beautifully coloured books that talk about HIV/AIDS and STIs etc. and leave it at that. A few awkward questions and we’re all good to go. But I can’t hide behind the books anymore. This is the time for face to face, ‘I-want-to-know-how-it-works’ and sometimes despite the brave smile on my face, I cringe inwardly about what we are discussing!

However the statistics provide enough incentive not to give up and to keep conversation lines open. Did you know that the World Health Organization estimates that 16 million adolescent girls (young people aged between 10 and 19 years) give birth every year and most of them are in low and middle income countries (just in case you wondered, Nigeria is certainly one of these!). These girls, especially those in the 15-19 year bracket, are more likely to die from the complications of pregnancy and childbirth…and the terrible statistics continue.

This is about the age when adolescents discover alcohol and other drugs…perhaps by watching television, other adults, peers or even online. And this is the time they try their hands at experimenting these stuff. An adolescent under the influence of alcohol or indeed any other drug is more likely to make bad decisions about sex, than a sober one, thus complicating an already bad scenario.

This is the time for frank and open conversations. Recall when we were younger (that’s if you’re in my age group :D) and some parents would tell their children that if a guy looked at them, they’d get pregnant? Forget those old wives’ tales. They are not relevant today because these children probably know the names of things that you didn’t even know existed…maybe. So be open about the issues that you are concerned about and find out what your adolescent thinks about those issues…in as open and non-judgemental a way as possible. If you can get into their heads, you’ve got a better chance of figuring out what’s going on there and perhaps, tightening any loose screws 😀

Make out time to do stuff with them. I know we all get busy with work and stuff but the children really need positive mentors at this stage. Statistics show that children who spend more time with their parents and are involved with activities generally stay out of trouble more. Remember the saying, an idle mind is the devil’s workshop? Let them discover activities they are really good at: arts and crafts, sports, singing etc. and get them involved in organizations that encourage these.

And social media? I am very old school about this with regards to my children. Even the social media realise that there are specific ages at which these ‘children’ should be given the liberty to associate with people they don’t even know, and that’s why they have age limits. Stick with those and even then, discuss the positives and negatives of these new media. They have to be careful who they are friending, befriending, unfriending, whatsapping,  tweeting, twerking and emailing!

I had an interesting discussion about a week ago with some researchers from out of town (US) who came to research teenage pregnancy and Termination Of Pregnancies (TOPs). I wasn’t of much help though I pointed them in the direction of some Government centers, first because TOPs are illegal in Nigeria and secondly because the only information that might exist may be in the Government approved centres. But they asked me a curious question before they left, if someone you knew, a teenager got pregnant, what would you have them do? Abort the baby or keep the baby given their absolute lack of preparedness to deal with a baby? Tough one… and in very typical Nigerian fashion, my first thought was ‘I reject it in Jesus’ name!’ Suffice it to say that my answer was long winded and convoluted and probably ended up giving me a headache! My head still throbs when I think of it :D. But, more seriously, it is a wakeup call to everyone who has teenagers or mentors teenagers to face these issues head on and provide the right information. Focus on short term and medium term consequences as opposed to long term ones. It is usually difficult for the teenager to look far enough into the future to figure out how a pregnancy now messes with their ability get a good job later and fend for their family adequately. This has multiple rebound effects on their own children who will probably not be able to meet their own potentials later in life.

Focus on them not being able to go to the prom, go to university…that can’t very well happen when they’ve got a baby to look after, right? How they will disappoint a mentor that they are particularly fond of and how most importantly, they will be devaluing their sense of self-worth.

As we keep having these discussions, hopefully we can help reduce the statistics and have a more productive generation.

Here’s to a healthier generation and a healthier you!